This is pretty decent
This would make a really great song, you just need help with mastering, that's all.
And just to let you know, listen to some dance stuff to know what it sounds like. You could head over to http://www.digitallyimported.com to get an idea. (Please don't ban me!)
What you need is a lead bass, some kicks, and few hats. Go ahead and AIM Comet if you like but what you should really do is show this to someone like czer323 for mastering. HE can helkp you out with that. He helped me and I came a long ways... Don't submit much to NG anymore though. People vote low on my songs just cuz they don't like the style of music. To tell you the truth, if you don't liek that type of music, don't listen to it you bastards!
But anyways, all in all, I think this is decent. Just talk to my friend Czer323 and tell him I sent you and show him this or what ever you like and he'll teach you a few things.